"Are you allergic to any medications, sir?"
"I can't take any narcotics"
"Any? What happens when you do?"
"I break out in handcuffs... it's not pretty"

"Woman was created from the rib of man.
She was not created from his head to be above him
Nor was she created from his foot to be trampled by him
She was taken from his side to be his equal,
From beneath his arm to be protected by him,
From near his heart to be loved by him." ~Author unknown


"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit."


"Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument." ~Author Unknown


"After about 20 years of marriage, I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of that one. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate." ~Mel Gibson, about what women want


"Whether they give or refuse, it delights women just the same to have been asked." ~Ovid


"No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not." ~H.L. Mencken


"Dear Lord,
I pray for wisdom to understand my man,
Love to forgive him
And Patience for his moods
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength
I’ll beat him to death."

When you call any given pharmacy, a soothing automated voice gives you all these options of how you can proceed. Such as:
Press 1 to refill your prescription
Press 0 to speak to a pharmacy team member
Press 3 to leave a voicemail, etc

It is always easier to just enter you refill number into the phone without actually talking to someone and it is also always easier to speak to someone if you have a question or if there’s an issue with your prescription.

Now…my question is…WHY on earth would you leave the following on our answering machine?

“Hi this is, Mrs. Jones, I have a question about the two medications I picked up yesterday…Please call me back at (___) ___-____.”
-Wouldn’t it have saved us both extra work, if she had just hit 0 and asked me the damned question right then and there?
- Wait! It gets better… she didn’t pick up when I called her back, and I had to leave HER a message!!!
- And now the best part…she calls back and leaves ANOTHER message “This is Mrs. Jones again…I think you tried calling me, but I was busy…Call me back at (___) ___-____.”

“This is Fred, I’m a regular customer, and I need you to fill up my Viagra…big weekend comin’ up… give me at least 3 pills”
- As nice as it was of him to share his plans for the weekend with me, I would have appreciated it more if he had given me his last name…

“I need all my regular medications filled and I will pick them up this afternoon”
- No name, no prescription numbers, no phone number…Give me a clue! Any clue!?
- Damn! And I thought it wasn’t a big deal for me to skip that mind reading class in pharmacy school!

And now after having a profile on livejournal for over two years and subjecting my friends to reading the same poem over and over again :)... the time may have come for me to enter the world of ranting...

This August I officially started my career as a pharmacist... after having suffered and toiled for six years through classes, exams and professors who just don't give a damn, after working as a pharmacy technician for five years, after a year of paying to go to work (they kindly called this year 'rotations'), after taking an exam the likes of which I wouldn't wish on an anti-Semitic terrorist strapped with explosives walking into a Hebrew school (ok... maybe), you'd think I am well prepared to put up with any kind of shit the general public may throw at me.... but no... At this moment in time I feel like people, or to be more precise, people's stupidity will never cease to amaze me!

For the last few months, I've been coming home and at dinner entertaining my parents with tales of my profession...and finally my father suggested that I should jot some of this stuff down...you know...just so I have some notes in case I ever decide to write a memoir...

A few disclaimers before I begin:
- this may and probably will be offensive to some
- there may be varying amounts of explicit language (likely to be directly proportional to the amount of BS I had to deal with at work that day)
- no promises that this will be well-written, funny, or even mildly amusing
- all names have been changed due to HIPPA, any similarity is purely coincidental

Consider yourself warned…

The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
That stood out in the open plain
And always got its share of rain,
Never became a forest king,
But lived and died a scrubby thing...
Good timber does not grow in ease.
The stronger wind, the tougher trees...

by: Douglas Malloch